


Coffee for one

by FrenchScreaming



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Feels, Coffee, Coffee Addiction, Light Angst, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 06:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20110618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrenchScreaming/pseuds/FrenchScreaming
Summary: Marianne's mornings always start far too early, giving her far to much time to dwell on things.





	Coffee for one

It’s just the morning buzz. She tells herself in response to the throbbing pain that lingered in her head. Her mind was too numb from lack of sleep to even register the pain from holding the steaming ceramic she had in hand, much less anything else. Her tired brain only paying attention to the object at hand, and the numbing tingle from the extreme heat it radiated from it.. If anything the dull sensation from the warmth had only served to help bring her senses to some speck of wakefulness from her dreary half asleep state.

Breathing in deeply, she was overcome with the bitter smell of coffee. Despite being a frequent partaker in the beverage, so much so one might define her by it, she had yet to grow fond of taste. The acidic flavour, signifying the start of her day. Her day often began before the sun had yet to shine.

Her eyes focused on the scenery surrounding her for just a moment, lazily looking up from the cup she witnessed the same dormitory as she always did these early mornings. The same darkness outside, the same flickering from lantern lights, the same bed she slept restlessly in. It never changed in her eyes, maybe for the better. Because it felt as if every day the world was one step closer to dissolving into a horrific war, a world filled with senseless violence and cruelties. But every day she realized that the world was already unkind and morbid, if behind crudely pulled curtains rather than blatant. 

Taking another long sip of coffee in hand, the burning in her throat, the biting taste it left on her tongue, was just enough to distract her from the downward spiral of depressing thoughts. Avoiding it was all she could do, she didn’t like that about herself but it she had enough self awareness to know it was the only way she could manage. 

Claude made it look so easy going day to day with seemingly few cares in the world despite the heavy future he was entitled to. Marianne couldn’t deny she felt envy, not just in him but most of her classmates, but it was Claude she felt it most so. 

She originally felt a sort of similarity between the two of them when they first met, though she was shy and soft spoken he had more than enough words for the two of them. And despite her attempts to work around conversation he was always thoughtful enough to continue showing her a sort of kindness she didn’t know how to explain. It was through their limited interactions that she felt the common ground form, they both had their adoration of animals, their distaste for the violence of war, their love of the natural world. 

And that’s why she couldn’t deny the small amount of envy that bubbled in her chest whenever she saw him working hard, knowing that despite their similarities he had more confidence, more energy, more determination than her. That there would always be a rift between the two in terms of commitment, was what made her so uninterested in talking to him anymore. Fearing she, someone so lacking in admirable qualities, would only bother him.

Though she knew he was kind, and always accepting, it didn’t feel organic. 

Setting the mug back down, she sighed, leaning back in her creaking chair. Sore muscles settling against the oaken wood, she couldn’t tell if her body hurt from the lack of sleep or lack of care she gave it, though both were likely. Her mind, now stuck on her class, started flipping through its other students. 

Lorenz, though snobby, always stood tall and resilient in the face of overwhelming odds. Personality and haircut aside he might be admirable. Raphael, who had been through much worse than her, was so kind and compassionate to a default that it made her feel rude by comparison. Leonie was so strong willed and determined is would sometimes scare Marianne, afraid someone like that would trample her to achieve their goal if she ever accidentally got in their way. She couldn't even bring herself to start thinking of Hilda.

She felt fake, like every accomplishment she made was forged. Unlike Lysithea’s natural talent, Marianne was inept at most combat, her bruised body a testament to that. She would pretend that they didn’t exist when she visited class today, and the next time they went into battle she would act as if it was nothing, only for the cycle of bodily harm and disregard to continue.

She was nothing like Ignatz, who despite sharing her apprehension, was still adept at combat and carried out orders flawlessly. While Marianne’s best attempts were weak at best. She was, inarguably, the weakest link in the class.

She was glad for her coffee, in a twisted sense. She depended on the disgusting beverage to actually keep her awake enough to prefer passably well in the Golden Deer’s class. The lingering taste of bitterness enough to keep her mind off most things sometimes. 

Enough to distract her from divert her attention away from the repetitive lessons of self defense, the most effective ways to incapacitate an enemy, the fifty different ways they’re taught to swing a sword, or wield an axe. No drink could ever wash away the guilt she felt for having to apply these teachings. No taste could fix the way her stomach churned at the sight of a battlefield.

But still she drank, even if it only helped a little. Even if it made her lose sleep, inevitably setting her in a worse position, though she doubted she was going to sleep soundly anyways. She drank even though she had no one to share idle breakfast chatter with. She never did. 

She had no idea what that was like, seeing it a common occurrence for other more sociable students. She was always deprived of such experiences, and while often she didn’t mind, the lack of any company was slowly starting to kill her she felt. Like a very slow poison, envy and frustration in herself felt is if it were eating her alive.

Yet still she drank.


End file.
